routine helps. she may not get as much sleep as she needs, but she is able to turn off her brain for stretches when she does her katas. when tsubaki messages her, she is halfway through her flow and her first thought is to ignore the trill from her phone. 

but then she relents and soon after that, she has pulled on a sweater and taken her leave from her hotel. the offices of ever grande are only a few minutes' walk away. 

when tsubaki arrives, freya is waiting for her. although her nose wrinkles at the smell and her eyes narrow at the sight, assessing her for damages.

"you're not bleeding out right now, are you? i'll not have you passing out on me because you thought a hospital wasn't necessary."

regardless, the door yawns open.

Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki

☉

ah. 

her adrenal glands are still active, assuring her that to stop is to give in and give up. flight has its talons in her, carrying her across the threshold of freya's office, teasing hurried words from her mouth in the shape of questions. 

she reaches under her desk for a blanket and throws it to tsubaki, nodding toward the leather chair across from her. and then she takes a seat, reaches for the binder, and thumbs through the pages.

"i know they don't like us very much," she says dryly. "you understand there's only so much i can tell you, tsubaki, right?"

she chews the inside of her cheek. "we discovered cave systems made by them under hoenn in 2020. but you said there was a ship? bases where?" her thoughts go briefly, grimly, to the last aqua meeting. 

Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki

☉

she realizes quickly that she won't be able to keep up with notes. so she turns to her phone and opens her recording app. it starts somewhere by the time she's hit ate the missing people so she grabs a pen and paper and scribbles route 119, tera crystal caves. 

and she just lets tsubaki talk. she does not try to demand she sit. she simply lets her be and allows the energy to run its course. when she brings up the ultra deep sea, freya's face is as impassive as ever. her pen pauses only a moment, but then she returns to her scribbling.

"i appreciate the due diligence," she says dryly and now concern creases her brows. 

"we can't do anything about this right now. and i know all you want to do right now is fix it and because you can't, you're panicking. we've known about megalopolans and their...diets for some time." but this is new, isn't it?

"the league will act." but that means nothing to this girl, whom the league has failed again and again and again, and yet she's here within these four walls, quivering away from her blanket, spinning on a wire because that's the safest place she knows. she grits her teeth. "i will act."

she runs her tongue along her teeth.

"clean yourself up and rest. we'll go to the sea when you're ready."

Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki

☉

the words had been out of her mouth before she could think on the ramifications. tsubaki's still a kid. she can't, in good conscious, sign off on touting her to the ultra deep sea. but she looks at her and she thinks, you have seen horrors no child should.

still, freya frowns. gathers herself. her things. and stands up from behind the desk, tucking paper into the case with her tablet. the blanket stays where it is. she has more at her hotel. 

"you're not ready now," she says. "i need you to leave time for your adrenal glands to empty. adrenaline and cortisol make you stupid and reckless, tsubaki, and i don't want you to be stupid and reckless when we're down there.

"throwing yourself, exhausted, into problems doesn't do anything for anyone." she learned that the hard way too. "even if it's just for a few hours. i'm taking you back to my hotel. you're going to get cleaned up and you're going to rest.

"either you do that or i go without you."

Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki

☉

on their way out, she stops by one of the league's pc repositories and withdraws her goodra. its ball gets clipped onto her belt; she'll insist on a life dew assisted bath for tsubaki when they get to the hotel, but she doesn't mention it now. she's counting her agreeance a win at the moment 

she rubs her face tiredly as they walk out and turns her attention to her phone. she orders food. she sends requests for extra towels to be sent upstairs. she crafts emails to the monitoring offices in dewford with a list of supplies for the ultra deep sea dive. 

she works in silence, fretting over this stupid girl beside her.

and by the time they've reached her hotel, she pockets her phone. pauses with her key card in hand. grimaces. "it's messy inside." it wouldn't exactly surprise tsubaki, the state of the councilwoman's 'home.' 

all of her belongings have been unceremoniously dumped in the center of the room, sprawling over the couch and onto the floor, even reaching out as far as the glass door to the tiny balcony. empty coffee cups and low ball glasses are everywhere, both with rings of brown and amber at their bottoms.

"there's a bathroom through the bedroom. front desk should have refreshed the towels."

Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki

☉

freya holds her tongue and tries not to see the room through tsubaki's eyes. ignorance is bliss. how she spends her days in here - a lonely fervor, at the bottom of a bottle and poured over her work, endlessly, relentlessly - is between herself and the stains on the floor. 

her eyes narrow. "i don't like people near my things," she says and picks her way over to the kitchen so she can get some coffee brewing. it's not the whole truth, but that's because she doesn't remember the whole truth. either she asked housekeeping to leave her alone or they refused to enter again - she doesn't remember. 

probably the former, considering she's still able to keep the room.

"balcony's nice though. i only have coffee. maybe..." she trails off, muttering to herself while she rummages through a cabinet that once contained a package that said we hope you enjoy your stay at hotel ever grande! alongside some paper cups and plates. 

all the way at the back is a box of lipton tea bags, discarded and forgotten about. some tea to calm tsubaki's nerves then. she pulls out her camping burner and puts a kettle on, rubbing at her eyes. and when she's convinced she's alone, she checks her phone, frowning as she flicks her thumb over the screen.

Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki

☉

two taps on her phone brings on the scowl because again, for the hundredth time, she still has no new messages, but she doesn't have the opportunity to extrapolate the confusing bundle of emotions that come along with the radio silence following her encounter with KING WAYLAND. 

she startles. 

"i don't just - " she starts, but tsubaki whips around like a whirlwind, stealing the rest of her excuses right out of her mouth. the cabinet to her left is wrenched open. a half-box of loosely wrapped crackers sits surrounded by different types of instant coffee. 

the fridge has spoiled takeout and a handful of apples. everywhere else has takeout coffee cups, interspersed with the occasional lowball tumbler for whiskey.

she takes in the rest of the room and freya follows her gaze. there aren't food scraps, at the very least - only piles of paper and various weapons. old prototypes of her arrows she'd drummed up after ALEXANDER STONE refused to manufacture them any longer. 

her mouth is dry by the time tsubaki gets nose to nose with her. and behind the flash of anger in her golden eyes, behind her wounded pride, is a scared, exhausted woman. 

the man she loves is unreachable. the woman she loves must be kept at arm's length, lest she hurt her too. her best friend has abandoned her. and all of it, all of it, is because she fell on her sword for the man who abused her. 

how could she not punish herself? how could she stomach allowing herself a sanctuary, when for so long she's hated living in her skin? 

tsubaki demands the truth and she maintains a measured stare, exhaling through her nose. 

"i'm working through some things."

the coffee maker beeps, finished with its brew. 

Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki

☉